


Dreams, Desires, and Reality

by xenano



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, Angst, Lots of Angst, M/M, Rated for cussing, jihoon can't get over his ex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-03-26 04:51:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13850469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xenano/pseuds/xenano
Summary: Years after they break up, Jihoon is suddenly haunted by dreams of his past love. But sometimes, dreams have a tendency of becoming reality. The ex-boyfriend that he hadn't even thought about for the past few years suddenly appears both in his dreams and in real life.Lee Jihoon, an ordinary office worker, meets his now-semi-famous idol and ex-bf Choi SeungcheolCrossposted on AFF





	1. An unexpected attack from the subconscious

**Author's Note:**

> Somewhat (veeeeery loosely) inspired by a personal event.  
> But also written because I will never not love JiCheol  
> And because I can pretty much only write in Jihoon's pov bc I can understand his character the most

_Jihoon felt as if he couldn’t have been happier than he was at this moment, with his boyfriend’s arms wrapped around his torso from behind him. He sat cross-legged in between his boyfriend’s legs. The two were enjoying each other’s presence on the wooden floors of their apartment, facing the blank television. Without warning, his boyfriend grabbed Jihoon’s shoulders and spun him around to face him. He cupped his hands around Jihoon’s face and smiled. His lips moved, and even though Jihoon couldn’t hear what he was saying, he heard his boyfriend’s gentle voice in his head._

 

_“Hoon, I love you.”_

 

_Jihoon opened his mouth to speak, but he couldn’t find his voice. Hearing no response, the other’s smile faded and was replaced with a frown._

 

No…Cheol, don’t misunderstand. I’m trying to say it.

 

_He found his voice and began to speak._

 

“I-”

 

Suddenly, Jihoon was very aware of his supine body resting on top of a bed, the warmth from his boyfriend’s hands wrapped around his face gone. He peeled his eyes open to find himself in a dark room. He had woken himself up by talking in the real world. He turned his head toward his alarm clock to see that it was only 5:25am. Groaning, he pulled his blanket over his head and turned to his side.

 

_Why did you have to appear in my dreams again?_

 

A few seconds passed and Jihoon gave up trying to sleep. He needed to get up by 6 anyways, so there was no point in trying to fall back asleep only to struggle to wake up again.

 

He swung his legs off the bed and headed toward the kitchen. His bare feet felt cold against the tile, but he was too lazy to rummage through his drawers to find a pair of socks. Without turning the lights on, he navigated himself to the refrigerator to find himself breakfast, only to find that the only things left were water bottles, a few cans of energy drinks, and some orange juice. He had forgotten that he hadn’t gone to the grocery store for almost two weeks. Sighing, he closed the refrigerator and returned to his bedroom to change into his work clothes. The one morning he was up early enough to have breakfast and he had nothing to eat.

 

He slipped on his trousers and dress shirt before getting to his tie. Even after working at an office for four years, he still had troubles with tying it. It just took too much time and patience to make such an unnecessary accessory look neat and clean. Who even thought to knot a piece of fabric around their neck and declare it as classy, anyways?

 

This morning, he struggled even more than usual. His patience was wearing thin as he stared at the messy knot through the mirror.

 

_Why’d you have to go and piss me off so early in the morning? And you’re not even here…_

 

Eventually, he gave up on making his tie look cleaner. He wasn’t expecting to look particularly dressed up for anyone, anyways. After putting on his suit jacket, he slipped on his dress shoes, grabbed his briefcase, and left his apartment for work.

 

The subway was less crowded than when he usually boarded, so Jihoon was able to find a seat easily. He clutched his briefcase to his chest. The rocking motion of the subway threatened to lull the exhausted young man to sleep. He stayed up late the night before to finish a report, and his body was reminding him of his lack of rest (and caffeine). He blinked a few times and shook his head violently. The actions did nothing to wake him up, so he stood up from his seat and reached for the handles above him. Of course they were the extra tall ones, where they were just out of reach enough to where he had to raise his heels slightly to get a firm grip on them. Not wanting to put in so much effort for the entire ride, he moved to where the handles hung at a normal level, enough for him to grab them comfortably. He felt his drowsiness go away from standing, but he still felt out of it from lack of sleep, so he looked out the window in a daze the entire ride.

 

Jihoon arrived at the subway stop half an hour earlier than he normally would.

 

_What am I going to do for half an hour?_

 

As if on cue, his stomach grumbled audibly. He reflexively clutched his torso, embarrassed.

 

_Breakfast it is._

 

Not one to explore new places, Jihoon settled on finding breakfast at the sandwich shop and café near his office, the place he usually visited for lunch. The café was a little quieter than it would have been during the busy lunch hour rush. He approached the counter and ordered a muffin and an espresso.

 

“That’ll be 7300 won,” the cashier said.

 

Jihoon pulled his wallet out from his back pocket and took out a 10,000 won bill. A colorfully decorated jar on the counter caught his attention. A sign with the words “college fund” written on it was taped around the outside. A single 500 won coin sat at the bottom of the jar.

 

“College kid?” Jihoon asked nonchalantly.

 

“Yup! I’m starting my first semester this spring,” the cashier informed him with a refreshingly bright quality in his voice and a glowing smile.

 

Jihoon pulled out another bill and tucked it into the jar.

 

“Good luck.”

 

The young cashier bowed and said his thanks. Only when he realized the value of the bill this customer put in did his eyes open wide in shock. He hurriedly pulled the bill back out and attempted to push it back.

 

“Wait! This is too much! I-I can’t accept this!” The cashier pleaded Jihoon to take back the bill, but Jihoon shook his head.

 

“Study well in college. That,” he said as he nodded toward the bill, “represents my faith in you to do well. Pay me back by studying well in school.”

 

The cashier stared for a few seconds, then bowed humbly toward Jihoon.

 

“Thank you very much.” He gently stuffed the 50,000 won bill back into the jar. “Sir, is it alright if I ask for your name?”

 

A genuine smile formed on the young man’s lips. “It’s Lee Jihoon.”

 

The cashier bowed once more.

 

“I, Lee Seokmin, will work hard and won’t let the kind-hearted Lee Jihoon-ssi down!” His voice echoed across the café. Suddenly remembering the espresso he needed to make, he sprinted toward the espresso machine and added, “Starting with the coffee that he ordered!”

 

Jihoon chuckled at the boy’s energy.

 

_What a cute kid._

 

Seokmin handed Jihoon his espresso and muffin. He bowed a third time as Jihoon exited the café.

 

“Please come again!”

 

Jihoon knew it was customary for employees to say that, but for some reason, Seokmin sounded genuine when he called out to Jihoon. He smiled as he walked toward his work building a few buildings down, having completely forgotten about his rough start in the morning.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The cheerful mood that Jihoon was in quickly dissipated as he arrived at his floor in the office. He could make out nothing but chaos as he maneuvered his way toward his desk. Phones rang left and right, and papers were being faxed, printed, and filed at immeasurable speeds. No one was exempt from the enormous workload due to it being the end of a quarter. A hefty stack of papers greeted Jihoon at his desk. He slumped into his chair and prepared himself for an exhausting day.

 

“Jihoon! Did you get that report done?” Soonyoung, his co-worker from the same department, yelled from his desk. Even though their desks sat a few meters apart, there was no way anything could be heard over the chaos without yelling.

 

“Yeah, it’s right here,” Jihoon responded just as loudly as he pulled out the papers he stayed up late last night to complete. He looked over at the daunting pile again.

 

“Don’t worry too much about the size of that stack. Most of those are small things. We’ll probably have to stay overtime again, though,” Soonyoung tried to reassure the other.

 

“Let’s hope we’re both still sane after this.” Jihoon remarked.

 

“We’ll manage,” Soonyoung said, trying more to convince himself rather than his co-worker.

 

The two worked feverishly to reduce the size of the paper stack as rapidly as they could, along with the rest of their team. They worked nonstop for hours, but the energy level of the entire department was visibly fading away. Employees were tired from lack of sleep from the entire week. Jihoon could feel himself drifting off when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see Soonyoung standing by his desk.

 

“Time for a lunch break?” Soonyoung suggested.

 

“I think so,” Jihoon yawned.

 

The two walked over to their usual place, the sandwich and café shop that Jihoon visited in the morning. They ordered their sandwiches and sat near a window. Jihoon looked around the café to see if Seokmin was still working, but he couldn’t find the boy anywhere.

 

“Looking for something?”

 

“Hmm? Oh, it’s nothing.”

 

“Man, those reports are killing me. I don’t remember it being this crazed the end of the last quarter.”

 

“You say that every time, Soonyoung.”

 

“I know, I know. But I always forget how exhausted I get during this time of year. I always keep thinking I’m ready for it but then when the time comes it takes me by surprise.”

 

“We just have one more day. We can make it.”

 

“Should I finish lunch early and get back to work...or take my time relaxing and work more overtime?” Soonyoung wondered as he crossed his arms on the table and rested his head on them.

 

“Those reports are going to have to get done sooner or later. I’m heading back as soon as I finish.”

 

“You’re right. Better get through more today than experience hell tomorrow. Let’s blaze through and go out drinking after it’s all over. I could definitely use a night to let myself go.”

 

After a pause, Jihoon gave a hesitant nod.

 

Soonyoung sat back up and propped his head up with one arm.

 

“I know you don’t really like drinking. You don’t have to drink if you don’t want to. Just keep me company and make sure I don’t end up doing anything dumb.”

 

“Yeah, sure.”

 

The two spent the rest of the time in silence, too exhausted from thinking about the amount of work ahead of them to keep up a conversation. Jihoon felt like even the action of chewing on his sandwich took a considerable amount of effort. Soonyoung took small bites of his sandwich, nibbling at the bread with his eyes closed. Afterwards, they dragged themselves back to their workplace to tackle the end-of-the-quarter reports and assignments.

 

By the end of his shift, all Jihoon wanted was to go home and sleep. There was still a sizeable stack of papers to go through sitting on the corner of his desk, and the team manager hadn’t left for the night yet. The team manager was one of those people who chose to complete more work sooner than later, leaving for less stress near deadlines.

 

_Well I guess that means less overtime for tomorrow._

 

Jihoon spent the next few hours working as quickly and as accurately as he could in order to go home earlier. Granted, in his sleepy state, he could only work at such an efficient pace before nodding off time to time. Before he could fall completely asleep, Jihoon heard the sound of someone rising up from their seat. He looked over and watched his team manager put on his suit jacket and grab his briefcase. With a nod, the team manager dismissed the rest of the team for the night at around midnight. Jihoon looked over at Soonyoung, who had fallen asleep on a small stack of papers. He packed up and walked over to his co-worker’s desk.

 

“Soonyoung, wake up. We can go home no-”

 

“I WASN’T SLEEPING! I WAS JUST…huh?” Soonyoung blinked a few times and looked around, observing that the rest of the team had already got up to leave and Jihoon was standing by his desk. “Oh…I guess the team manager left?”

 

Jihoon sighed and nodded. Soonyoung stuffed his briefcase with some papers and packed up quickly. The two of them walked out of the building together and parted ways at the subway station. Like in the morning, Jihoon knew that he would struggle to stay awake while sitting down, so he stayed standing during the entire ride back.

 

As soon as he entered his apartment he led himself to his room without turning on any lights and plopped face down onto his bed. He closed his eyes and felt himself drifting off to sleep. After contemplating for a minute, he decided to at least undress for bed. He unbuttoned his dress shirt and shimmied out of his trousers all while still laying down with his eyes closed. He threw his work clothes onto the floor and groped at the floor to find his nightwear. He felt fabric at his fingertips barely out of reach and stretched uncomfortably to grab for it, almost falling off the edge of the bed during the process. It was his oversized shirt that he wore to bed. This would have all been much easier if Jihoon had decided to open his eyes and get off of his bed to find his clothes, but he felt too attached to the bed to get off. After feeling around for his pants for a minute, he gave up and brought the blanket over his body.

 

_Good enough. Who needs pants, anyways?_

 

With that last though, Jihoon curled up and knocked out within minutes.


	2. Warmth in solace and a cup of coffee

_Sunlight filtered through the leaves of the tree above Jihoon, with one beam of light settling directly on top of one of his eyelids. If it weren’t for that one annoying spot, he would have still been happily asleep laying on the fresh spring grass, head pillowed on his boyfriend’s chest. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter, hoping that the light would go away. He decided it was probably a good time to get up, but then he stopped in his tracks when he felt a hand combing through his hair. A warm hand that Jihoon couldn’t ever mistake for anyone else’s._

 

Maybe…I’ll just stay like this a little bit longer.

 

_The hand eventually stopped running through Jihoon’s hair. Instead, two arms took Jihoon in a delicate embrace._

 

_“I’ll always love you,” Seungcheol whispered gently into his ear._

 

_At those words, Jihoon felt his heart start to race. They were words that he hadn’t heard from his boyfriend’s lips yet, but had yearned for. They were words he himself had never said aloud, but thought a million times a day._

 

_“Can you…say that again?”_

 

_“Huh? Hoon, Y-you were awake?” Seungcheol asked in a mildly panicked tone._

 

_“Yeah.” Jihoon finally sat himself upright. “I didn’t quite catch what you said. Do you think you could repeat it for me?” His lips curved into a small smile and his eyes twinkled._

 

_Seungcheol mirrored Jihoon’s expression and leaned forward, pressing his lips against the boy’s._

 

_“I’ll always…”_

 

_Love you._

 

Jihoon felt wetness forming underneath his eyelids. Instinctively, he rubbed his eyes before opening them. Once again, he found himself on his bed in his room, not outside sprawled out on the grass under the spring sun.

 

_What. The. Fuck._

 

Of course it was another dream about him. For the second night in a row. This time, it was a dream of a memory that he cherished in the past. Jihoon bit his lip hard and swallowed at the now bitter memory.

 

_You fucking liar. ‘Always’ my ass. You piece of shit…_

 

Jihoon wasn’t usually a very outwardly emotional person. Maybe it was the lack of sleep. Maybe it was the overload of stress from work. Maybe it was the fact that he had just woken up. For whatever reason -- or mix of reasons -- at that moment, he found it impossible to stop tears from streaming down the sides of his face.

 

_Fuck._

 

Tears were soon accompanied by soft sobs. Jihoon grabbed a fistful of blanket and brought it over his mouth to muffle his sorrowful sobbing. Not long after, he gave up trying to resist and let his emotions consume him. He enveloped himself in the agony that he had pent up for years, the bitterness of breakup returning to him as if it had only happened yesterday. The episode passed over in a few minutes, and the feelings of sadness fleeted him as suddenly as they came. Jihoon was left with tear-soaked sheets. He looked over at his alarm clock and was displeased to find that it was almost 5 am.

 

_What am I even doing?_

                                                                  

Any hints of drowsiness were long gone. Jihoon decided it was time to get up when he failed to fall back asleep after fifteen minutes of staring at the ceiling. Having no food at home and nothing better to do, he decided to get ready and head off toward the direction of work.

And so he found himself once again standing outside of the same café as yesterday. Of course, he hadn’t thought of checking whether the café opened at 5:30 am in the morning, so he stood in front of the door, staring at the opening times list. He laughed at himself for how ridiculous he might have looked in the situation. The café opened at 6am, half an hour from now. He decided since he had nothing better to do, he would just clock in early and not stay as long overtime. He turned toward the direction of his office building and took a step before he paused at hearing his name being called out.

 

“Lee Jihoon-ssi?” a familiar voice chimed.

 

Jihoon turned toward the voice to find the student worker from yesterday walking toward him.

 

“Lee Seokmin?”

 

“It is you! What are you doing here so early? We don’t open our doors until 6.” Seokmin directed his attention to the lock on the café doors and shoved a key in.

 

Jihoon grimaced as he remembered his dream and the reason he was up so early.

 

“I couldn’t go back to sleep.”

 

Seokmin finished unlocking the door and leaned toward Jihoon. He pouted as he examined the other’s condition.

 

“That’s too bad. It looks like you need the rest.” He opened the door and held it open. “We don’t actually open for another half hour, but why don’t you come inside and rest? I’ll make you some coffee if you’d like, too.”

 

Jihoon responded with a light chuckle. “Just my luck.”

 

The two of them walked in, and Seokmin relocked the door. Jihoon sat at the nearest booth and set his briefcase down. He let himself slump in his seat until his head rested on top of the seat cushion behind him and then closed his eyes. A few minutes later he could hear Seokmin rummaging through the kitchen. The savory aroma of freshly brewing coffee wafted through the air. Jihoon breathed in deeply, and he felt himself being energized by the aroma alone.

 

“One latte on the house.”

 

Two porcelain mugs were set on the table in front of Jihoon. A white foam heart floated on the surface of each mug. Jihoon opened his eyes and sat up straight, wrapping his hands around one of the mugs. He smiled at the lopsided heart in his mug. Seokmin seated himself opposite to Jihoon and took the other mug into his hands.

 

“Are you new here?” Jihoon asks out of curiosity. For visiting this café almost every weekday for the past year, this was only the second time he had ever seen Seokmin. He had been a regular for so long that he had memorized all of the worker’s faces and had seen employees come and go.

 

“Hmm, I wouldn’t say I’m that super new. I’ve been working here for about a month? Ever since I graduated high school.”

 

“I’ve never seen you around. Do you only work morning shifts, then?”

 

“Yeah, it’s more convenient for me to take morning shifts.”

 

Jihoon took a sip of his drink and pursed his lips in response. Regardless of how often he drank coffee, he still couldn’t get used to the bitterness. Seokmin took notice of the change in his expression.

 

“Is it not good? Should I make another cup?”

 

Jihoon shook his head. “No, no, it tastes like it should. I've just never gotten used to the taste of coffee, that’s all.” He took another sip, being extra careful not to show any signs of dissatisfaction. He even tossed in a smile in desperation. Seeing Seokmin shoot him a doubtful look, he returned to the original topic.

 

“How often do you work here?”

 

“About every weekday. I want to earn as much as I can before my college semester starts.”

 

Jihoon glanced over his shoulder to the counter and noticed that the tip jar from yesterday was gone. Seokmin followed his line of sight.

 

“The tip jar? I’ll bring it out eventually. I can’t have a certain someone giving out too much,” Seokmin said as one corner of his lips rose into a playful smile.

 

Jihoon teased back with a smirk. “Oh, is that a threat I hear, student Lee Seokmin?”

 

“It’s all up to your interpretation, Jihoon-ssi,” Seokmin retaliated, grinning.

 

Just as he did the day before, Jihoon could feel his mood elevating from just seeing the boy smile. He felt as if Seokmin emanated rays of happiness through his smile, and he enjoyed seeing the smile directed at him. A warmth spread through his chest, not unlike the feeling from drinking his warm coffee. For a moment, he wondered how someone’s smile alone could make him feel this light.

 

Jihoon figured that he must have wondered for a little more than just a moment when he saw Seokmin’s questioning eyes.

 

“Oh, anyways, what were you thinking of studying in college?”

 

“College? Hmm, I think I want to help others in some way. I’m looking into music therapy or counseling.”

 

“Music therapy? What’s that?”

 

“For what I would consider doing, I would use singing as a medium for vocal or speech therapy. It’s sort of hard to explain…”

 

“No, that’s fine. I think that’s a really interesting career path. Does that mean you sing?”

 

Jihoon thought he could see Seokmin’s cheeks flush. Seokmin stared at his mug, unable to look up at the other.

 

“I like singing. I just have a hard time singing in front of other people. That’s why I don’t know if pursuing music therapy will be a good idea.”

 

“I’d like to hear you sing one day.”

 

“…M-maybe one day.”

 

Seokmin took this time to check the wall clock. He rose from his seat and took the store key out of his front pocket.

 

“Looks like it’s time for me to open the shop.”

 

“It’s 6 already?”

 

Seokmin unlocked the door and twirled the key in his hands before putting it back in his pocket.

 

“Time sure flies when you’re getting to know someone, don’t you think?”

 

“No kidding.”

 

Seokmin left to prepare in the back, leaving Jihoon alone at the front of the store. Despite just having a shot of espresso, Jihoon felt his tiredness from lack of sleep creep up on him. He cradled his briefcase to his chest and lay flat on the booth, then changed his mind and put the briefcase under his head.

 

_I have almost an hour until my shift starts, anyways._

 

Jihoon knocked out after his last thought.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Lee Jihoon-ssi. Lee Jihoon-ssi?”

 

Jihoon reluctantly opened one eye, but he shot up once he found himself in an unfamiliar setting. After processing his thoughts for a few seconds, he realized he fell asleep at the café.

 

“Jihoon-ssi, I’m sorry…I didn’t know when would be a good time to wake you up. You looked so peaceful just sleeping there, so I wanted to let you rest a bit more, but the shop got really busy all of the sudden. I know you left earlier than this time yesterday. I hope you’re not late or anything but right now it’s-”

 

_Oh shit._

 

Jihoon whipped his head toward the wall clock, which read 7:04am.

 

_Fuck._

 

He grabbed his briefcase and suit jacket and bolted out, grimacing at the lack of manners he had toward Seokmin. But he had no choice. Being late was _not_ an option, especially for the last day before the end of the quarter where everyone had to work in high gear. He pushed his legs as fast as they could go, shouting apologies to the people he brushed passed.

 

By the time he reached his floor, it was 7:13am, and he was most definitely, without a doubt, late. His team manager spared him an irritated glance and then returned his attention to the mess of papers on his desk. Soonyoung also exchanged glances with Jihoon, one that conveyed exhaustion. Jihoon took no note of it and started immediately on his work. With the amount of work still left over, overtime was definitely a requirement.

 

None of Jihoon’s team members left for lunch. A few brought packed lunches, while others took breaks to go to the nearest vending machine, carrying files with them to utilize as much time as possible to finishing their work. Once he realized he was rereading the same line over and over again for the past  few minutes, Jihoon felt the need for a small coffee break. He took some of his files and headed toward the coffee break room.

 

Jihoon emptied a packet of instant coffee into a paper cup and filled the cup halfway with warm water. While he had his back toward the door, he heard someone come in.

 

“What happened this morning? You’re never late.”

 

Jihoon turned back around and found Soonyoung leaning against the wall near the entrance of the room looking over a packet of papers. He let out a tired sigh.

 

“I...overslept.”

 

Soonyoung stopped flipping through the pages and looked up.

 

“You? Oversleep? That’s a first.”

 

“Yeah. It just sort of happened.”

 

Soonyoung straightened up and approached the other.

 

“If you’re wondering why the team manager hasn’t said anything yet, it’s because I told him that you had an emergency and needed to drop off your new puppy at the vet’s office. You know how he has a soft spot for dogs and all.”

 

“You’re a lifesaver. I don’t know even _want_ to know what I would have had to suffer if I came late without any excuse.”

 

“But you know,” Soonyoung said as he leaned against the counter, “that _does_ mean that you owe me.”

 

“Anything. Whatever you want me to do.”

 

“… _Anything_?”

 

“Mostly anything. Nothing weird. And no, I’m _not_ going on a blind date with your friend because she wants to meet me.”

 

Soonyoung patted Jihoon’s shoulders and smiled.

 

“Nothing too big. Just buy me a few shots when we go out for drinks.” He eyed the cup in Jihoon’s hands. “And give me that. I’m exhausted as hell.”

 

Jihoon returned the smile and offered the other his cup, being well aware that he got a hell of a good trade. “Deal.”

 

Soonyoung accepted the coffee and, upon looking at the wall clock, hustled back toward his desk. Jihoon followed in looking at the time and rushed to prepare another cup of instant coffee.

 

_One more day. Just one more day._

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“It was a close cutoff but we made it just in time. Thank you all for your hard work this week. I’ll see you all next Monday.”

 

The team manager spoke with a weary voice that reflected the team members’ tiredness. The rest of the team bowed, being too drained to cheer, and gathered their belongings to return home. Jihoon let his head rest on his desk and closed his eyes, ready to fall asleep in his spot.

 

“Jihoon, come on. Let’s go.”

 

Soonyoung called out to Jihoon in a seemingly lively manner, which took Jihoon by surprise. When he lifted his head to look toward Soonyoung, however, he saw that his coworker’s eyes were closed and his head was drooping down.

 

“What are you trying to accomplish, sounding so energetic?”

 

“Nothing. I’m just happy it’s finally over,” Soonyoung replied, his voice a little flatter than before and reflecting a little more of his exhaustion. “And we finally get to go drinking.”

 

“...tonight?” Jihoon asked skeptically.

 

“There’s no point going tonight. I’m too tired to enjoy it. I say tomorrow night.” Soonyoung rolled his neck and shook his shoulders to wake himself up.

 

“Deal.”

 

“I’ll text you the time and place tomorrow. But let’s leave now. Looks like we’re the only ones left on this floor.”

 

Jihoon scanned the office to find that they were indeed the only ones left. A few lights barely illuminated the floor. He gathered his belongings and proceeded to exit the building with Soonyoung. Once they reached the subway station, the two went their separate paths. Jihoon reached his stop and walked toward his apartment, dragging his feet in fatigue. He yawned, taking in a nice satisfying breath of the crisp air, tears forming at the corner of his eyes from yawning too hard. His vision blurred. In that moment when his sense of sight was hindered, he heard squealing coming from a small group of girls from the other side of the street. He watched the blur of what he supposed was a man walk out of the convenience store across the street. The girls huddled toward the figure, giggling profusely. Jihoon listened as the giggling faded in the distance along with the figures, but his eyes stayed locked on the neon open sign of the convenience store. He thought about his empty refrigerator and cabinets.

 

_I should probably buy some food for tomorrow._

 

His entire body yearned to feel the warmth and comfort of his bed. He fought the urge to turn toward his apartment and walked into the store. He didn’t want to carry too many heavy bags so he opted to buy a few light things. He left the store with a single plastic bag carrying a container of microwave ready rice, a small jar of kimchi, and a half dozen eggs to prepare a decent breakfast. Jihoon trudged back to his apartment with his eyes fluttering closed. He had lived there long enough to know how many steps it would take to arrive at his door, so walking in with his eyes closed was no issue. He stuffed the bag of groceries into his refrigerator and plopped onto his bed, letting his body sink into the mattress. At this point, he was too tired to change out of his work attire, and so he drifted off to sleep in his trousers and dress shirt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to post this a week after the first chapter but I forgot to ><...  
> And as always Cheol comes out later in the fic (despite me loving jicheol why do i always write stories with like no jicheol content.....TT^TT)  
> The next chapter will come out in a week! The one after that will probably come out a week later. After that......I'll try to finish the next chapter soon afterwards (There aren't that many chapters anyways. I think I'll probably have a total of 5-6 chapters for this one)


	3. An unwelcomed voice returns

**_Four years ago_ **

 

“Jihoon, please.”

 

“Fuck off.”

 

“Hoon…”

 

Jihoon stepped toward the edge of the bridge and faced the clear night river. He lifted himself onto the edge, swung his legs around in front of him, and sat on the ledge, leaning forward. The cold breeze gently tossed his hair around.

 

“Jihoon, whatever you’re thinking of, don’t do it.”

 

Jihoon scoffed as he felt his eyes well up with tears. He tried convincing himself that the tears were due to the wind, but his heart ached too much for him to deny the real cause.

 

“Don’t worry, Cheol. I’m not dumb. I wouldn’t kill myself over something so stupid.”

 

Seungcheol stepped directly behind the other and placed his hand on top of Jihoon’s.

 

“Don’t  _ touch _ me,” Jihoon growled.

 

Seungcheol let his hand fall back to his side. Instead, he stepped to the side and looked out toward the river reflecting the city lights. He heard light sniffles coming from the other.

 

“Hoon, I thought you would understand.”

 

“I do.”

 

“Then why are you so upset?”

 

“Am I not allowed to be upset? You want to leave me to do music. Am I not allowed to be upset by that?”

 

“...Sorry.”

 

“Yeah, you’d better be sorry.”

 

“But I don’t want to leave you, Jihoon. Like I said, I don’t mind a long-distance-”

 

“Well I do! I mind! Haven’t you thought about my opinion?” Jihoon raised his voice to the point where it cracked. 

 

There were a few seconds of pause before Seungcheol answered.

 

“Well...what do you want me to do about it?”

 

“Choose.”

 

“Choose?”

 

“Between me and your dream.”

 

“Why? Can I not love you if I choose to follow my dream?”

 

Jihoon calmed down. His tone of voice became gentler.

 

“Seungcheol, I know you. You’re passionate in what you do. And if you want to do music, I know you have it in you to do well. But if you’re focused on that, that’s all you’ll ever be focused on. You won’t have any time for me, or anyone else.” Jihoon swallowed as he began to choke up. “You’re too loyal to have more than one love. So decide. It’s me or music.”

 

An unbearably long pause interrupted the flow of the conversation. Only the sound of cars rushing by passed through the two. Jihoon waited. Seungcheol finally spoke up.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


“Jihoon. Jihoon!” 

 

Jihoon turned back around to see an energetic Soonyoung waving and running towards him. 

 

“Soonyoung? What are you doing here?” He waited until Soonyoung caught up before continuing to cross the street with his co-worker. They were just on the outskirts of Hongdae.

 

“I had to run some errands for my sister nearby. But hey, I’m finished and it’s like six o’clock anyways. How about we go for those drinks? There are some pretty good spots we can visit around here.”

 

“Sure. Lead the way.”

 

As a frequent visitor of Hongdae, Soonyoung guided his company around the area without hesitation. They arrived at a busy club filled with a crowd young of people. Despite it being early in the evening, many students and young adults were already drinking and losing themselves to the music.

 

“I thought you wanted to go drinking,” Jihoon shouted into Soonyoung’s ear.

 

“You can’t go drinking without dancing,” Soonyoung replied just as loudly. He grabbed Jihoon’s hand and led him to the bar. He waved at the bartender until he noticed them. The bartender had long silky hair tied behind him in a low ponytail. Soonyoung sat at the nearest seat and motioned for Jihoon to sit beside him.

 

“Hey, Jeonghan!”

 

“Soonyoung! I haven’t seen you for a while. Been busy lately?”

 

“Yeah, it’s been hell for the past couple of weeks. This is my friend from work Jihoon who suffered along with me.” 

 

“Ah, the cute one?”

 

“Cute?” Jihoon raised an eyebrow at Soonyoung. Soonyoung just laughed and playfully ruffled Jihoon’s hair.

 

“Sorry, Jihoon. But you can’t deny it. It’s true.”

 

Jeonghan laughed at the two. “Should I get you started with a few shots?”

 

“Please and thank you,” Soonyoung said, directing a wink at the bartender.

 

Jeonghan swiftly grabbed a bottle from the shelf behind him and poured out two shot glasses. 

 

“Let me know when you need another drink.”

 

“Thanks, Jeonghan.” Soonyoung reached for his shot glass and downed the drink in an instant. He reached for Jihoon’s glass and consumed the liquid just as quickly. His face scrunched up from the bitterness of the alcohol. “Okay, I should be good for a while. I figured you didn’t want your drink but if you want one, you can call Jeonghan to pour you some.” 

 

“Nah, it’s fine. I wasn’t planning on drinking, anyways.”

 

Soonyoung shook his head and blinked a few times. Then he turned toward Jihoon.

 

“Oh. so about yesterday. Did you  _ really _ just oversleep or did something else happen?”

 

_ Of course he didn’t just drop it. _

 

“I told you I just overslept. You know how we all weren’t sleeping much this week. I’m not perfect. I was bound to have overslept one of these days.”

 

“Hmm.” Soonyoung leaned closer to Jihoon until they were at a distance that made the sober Jihoon slightly uncomfortable. “You’re not looking at me.”

 

“You’re drunk already,” Jihoon joked. “I  _ am _ looking at you, Soonyoung.”

 

“No, no. You’re not  _ looking _ at me. You’re avoiding my eyes. You’re lying to me.” 

 

Before Soonyoung could comment further, the DJ transitioned to a new song. 

 

“Oh? This is…” Soonyoung straightened up and listened intently. His eyes sparkled with recognition. “This is my  _ jam _ . Sorry to leave you by yourself at the bar but I  _ have _ to go dance. Unless you’d like to join me?”

 

“No thanks. Go have fun.”

 

Soonyoung already stood up from his seat and headed toward the center of the floor. Jihoon smiled at his co-worker’s excitement. The way Soonyoung’s eyes lit up with fire as he moved his body amazed him. He would have never expected his co-worker to be such a passionate dancer. He only found out one day when he caught Soonyoung dancing in the breakroom when he thought no one else was there. Jihoon happened to be sleeping hidden in a corner and was woken up by the sound of Soonyoung accidentally kicking a table. 

 

_ It’s a shame he can’t showcase his talents very often _ , Jihoon thought. Then again, Soonyoung seemed to be very familiar with Hongdae and the bartender who worked here. Perhaps he frequented the place quite often. Jihoon turned back toward the bar and fiddled with the rim of a shot glass.

 

Once the song ended, the DJ transitioned into a calmer song, another song that Jihoon didn’t recognize. He wasn’t that into pop culture enough to keep up with all of the new music coming out. The song was mellow and easy to listen to. Jihoon started paying attention to the lyrics as he had nothing else to do.

 

_ Yeah 계산하고 싶지 않아 _

_ 우리의 벌어진 각도를 _

_ Yeah, I don’t want to calculate _

_ The widening angle between us. _

 

_ Huh? _

 

Jihoon could feel his heart beat faster. A voice that he hadn’t heard in over four years enveloped the air.

 

_ Could it be… _

 

He desperately scanned the dance floor for Soonyoung, but the dancer was already swallowed up by the wave of people. Jihoon felt his palms become sweaty and his breathing become shallow. Although he was sober, it was as if he had taken several drinks by the way the room began to spin. He felt tears trying to make their way out and he blinked frantically to hold them back.

 

“Hey, Jihoon, are you okay?”

 

Jihoon looked up to find the bartender observing him in concern. There were still tears in his eyes and his breathing was still shallow.

 

“Did you drink something strange? Do you need me to call 119?” Jeonghan asked slowly.

 

“I...I want a shot.” 

 

“Huh?”

 

Jihoon shook his head and took a deep breath. “I’m fine. Pour me a shot.”

 

Jeonghan stood frozen in his spot. Jihoon began to feel frustrated and desperate.

 

“Goddammit just get me another fucking shot!” 

 

Jeonghan silently complied and poured a shot for Jihoon. He watched carefully as the young man downed the shot.

 

“Another one.”

 

Jeonghan warily poured him another shot. Almost immediately, Jihoon took the shot, face scrunched with distaste. He brought the shot glass down roughly.  _ This will make the voice go away, right? _

 

“I want something stronger,” he said as he wiped his lips with the back of his hand.

 

“I don’t know. You’re a pretty small guy and I don’t know what your alcohol tolerance level is. Why don’t you wait a little bit?”

 

“I want something stronger,” Jihoon repeated, pleading to Jeonghan with his eyes. 

 

“Oh ho ho, what’s gotten into you, Lee Jihoon?” Soonyoung asked cheerfully as he skipped back to the bar. His back was wet with sweat. “I came back for another drink but I didn’t expect to see you drinking, too.”

 

“I just felt like it,” Jihoon replied without turning toward Soonyoung. “Jeonghan won’t give me another drink, though.”

 

“He’s fine, Jeonghan,” Soonyoung laughed. “He may look small but he can take alcohol better than I can.”

 

“If you say so,” Jeonghan said reluctantly. “But if anything happens to him, it’s on you.”

 

Jeonghan proceeded to take a different bottle from the shelf and pour the drink out for Jihoon and Soonyoung. 

 

“More,” Jihoon demanded.

 

Jeonghan’s brow twitched. Jihoon took notice.

 

“I’m an adult. I know how to pace myself.”

 

“I’ll pour you more when I think you’re ready,” Jeonghan growled defiantly. “I’m the bartender here, okay?”

 

“And I’m the customer. Pour me another.” Jihoon knew at this point he was being a hell of a rude customer, but he was desperate to drown out the music with alcohol. Soonyoung noticed the tension between the two.

 

“Whoa, whoa. Hoon, calm. What’s gotten into you?”

 

“Don’t call me that,” Jihoon snapped without warning. He felt Soonyoung and Jeonghan’s concerned gazes drilling into his head. Unphased, he took the shot poured for him, and before Jeonghan could stop him, he took the shot meant for Soonyoung.

 

Soonyoung placed a hand on Jihoon shoulder. “Jihoon?”

 

그때 그 손을 놓지 않았다면

아직 서로를 잡고 있을까

_ If I didn’t let go of that hand at that time _

_ Would we have still been holding on to each other? _

 

Jihoon squeezed his eyes shut and plugged his ears with his hands to try to block out the music. He finally felt tears he held back streaming down his face. His breathing became heavy and he could feel himself starting to panic. The few moments that passed felt like several minutes to him.  It must have all been the alcohol starting to mess with his head. Or else he wouldn’t have been this bothered by hearing that voice.

 

Soonyoung wrapped his arms around Jihoon and faced Jeonghan. “Jeonghan, do you mind putting all of that on my tab? I’ll pay for it next time.”

 

“Sure, but where are you going? You’re in no condition to take someone home, yourself. You know you’re weak with alcohol.”

 

“Don’t worry, we’ll just be sitting outside on the curb for a little bit.” Soonyoung directed his attention to Jihoon. He carefully took Jihoon’s hand away from his ear and spoke in a gentle voice that was barely loud enough to be heard. “Let’s go sit outside and get some fresh air, okay?”

 

Without answering, Jihoon let Soonyoung guide him out of the club and onto the edge of the sidewalk. Soonyoung gently lowered Jihoon until they were both sitting down on the curb. There were more people out on the streets since nighttime was nearing. It was still only seven o’clock, but the streets were packed as always on a Saturday night. A chilly breeze picked up.

 

“Sorry, I don’t have a jacket to offer you,” Soonyoung said, taking note of Jihoon shivering beside him.

 

Jihoon felt the alcohol taking its effect on his body. His vision was a blur (even more so than with just his tears) and his movements became impaired. Even with the wind blowing, he felt his body burning up. The noise dulled and he could make out nothing from the conversations around him. All except for one voice carried out by a microphone. 

 

_ 누가 또 울렸어 _

_ 못되게 굴었어 _

_ 하나도 한 명도 _

_ 빠짐없이 얘기해줘 _

_ Who made you cry? _

_ Who bothered you? _

_ Tell me everything _

_ Without leaving anything, anyone behind _

 

The alcohol must have been messing with his head. It was too much. Jihoon messily grabbed at Soonyoung’s collar. 

 

“I keep hearing his voice,” he whimpered miserably. He shook his head, as if to shake out the sound of the voice that was haunting him. “Please, make it go away. Please.”

 

Soonyoung didn’t know how to react to Jihoon’s sudden display of vulnerability. There was nothing he could do to help him. He simply did what he could to comfort him and let him cry on his shoulders. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life has been a mess and I completely forgot to upload this a week ago but I hope you enjoy!


	4. The Past Returns to the Present

그래 아직 난 그래 아직 난

기다리다 지치기까지가 까마득해

무서워지지만

_ I’m still, I’m still _

_ Waiting for you, I’m not even tired _

_ Although I’m getting scared _

 

Jihoon woke up to a soothing voice singing. His eyes were closed, but he kept listening to the calming voice. An unfamiliar yet warm hand softly stroked his hair.

 

그래도 시간을 믿어본다

다들 약이라 하니까

바보 같아도 눈 감아도

달라지는 건 없으니까

_ Still, I’m believing in time _

_ Because everyone says it’s medicine _

_ Even if I’m a fool, when I close my eyes _

_ Nothing changes _

 

Jihoon opened his eyes and found himself on his apartment floor. He looked up to find a startled Seokmin looking down at him.

 

“Lee Seokmin?”

 

“Jihoon-ssi? Y-you were awake?” Seokmin’s face began to flush. He whipped his hands behind his back in guilt.

 

“I just woke up.”

 

“Sorry, did I wake you up?”

 

“No, it was probably the alcohol.” Jihoon propped himself up, but regret it almost immediately. A wave of nausea hit him and he groaned. He could smell the alcohol from his breath. 

 

“Jihoon-ssi, are you okay?” 

 

“I will be in a little bit.”

 

“Why don’t you have some hangover soup? I prepared it not too long ago so it’s still warm.”

 

“Sounds great.” 

 

Seokmin rose from his spot and walked over to the kitchen. He rummaged through the cabinets until he found a bowl. He prepared the soup and rice and brought it over as Jihoon set up his low folding table. The two sat down on the floor and Jihoon picked up his spoon and started stirring at the soup.

 

“You have a lovely singing voice,” Jihoon said.

 

“R-really?” Seokmin smiled shyly and looked down at the floor. “Thank you very much.”

 

Jihoon smiled at Seokmin’s reaction. It was only after a few bites in did he realize something was off.

 

_ Wait a second… _

 

“Seokmin?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Why are you in my apartment?”

 

“You don’t remember?”

 

“Remember? Remember what?”

 

“I bumped into you and your friends in front of that club in Hongdae. You were yelling and swinging your arms at one of them, but then you and your other friend eventually knocked out and your sober friend and I had to carry you home.”

 

_ Huh? Friends? Wasn't it only Soonyoung? _

 

Seokmin noticed Jihoon’s concerned look. 

 

“It….had to have been your friend, right? Or else he wouldn’t have been able to take you back home. He knew the code to the door and everything.”

 

Jihoon was more puzzled than before. He furrowed his eyebrows trying to understand what happened during his memory lapse.

 

“Where are they now?”

 

“One of them is sleeping in your room. The other left saying something about having an appointment.”

 

Jihoon got up to check his bedroom. As expected, Soonyoung was resting peacefully sprawled out on his bed. Jihoon returned to the living room and sat back down at the table. The steam that was rising furiously from the soup before had begun to slow into gentle wisps. Seokmin reached for the TV remote lying near the wall and flipped through the channels.

 

“But, you really don’t have a lot of channels on your TV.”

 

“I don’t really watch TV, anyways.” 

 

Jihoon began to eat his hangover soup and ignored the television. With nothing else to do, Seokmin kept changing channels until he found one he was interested in.

 

“Wait, Jihoon-ssi.”

 

“Hm?” Jihoon glanced over at Seokmin, whose eyes grew wide and who was fervently pointing towards the television.

 

“That’s… that's him! That’s the guy!”

 

Confused, Jihoon turned toward the television screen. The host of a news channel was interviewing a four member music group, and Jihoon scanned their faces until he found the one he was looking for.

 

“Seung....cheol?”

 

“Yeah! He was the one who carried you home! Wow, he was actually a celebrity? No wonder there was such a huge crowd of people surrounding him.”

 

_ Seungcheol was there last night? He saw me? He carried me home?  _

 

Jihoon pressed his fingers into his temples, massaging them as if to coax the memories of last night out.

 

_ What the hell happened last night? _

 

He listened intensively to the TV.

 

“Congratulations on topping the music charts this week! I heard that this was the first time for you guys. How does it feel?”

 

“We weren’t expecting this much love and support but we’re really thankful,” one of them (captioned as Vernon on screen) said.

 

“I think the public was able to feel how much effort we put into our music, and that’s why this album was received better than our other ones,” the one named Wonwoo said.

 

“This album was especially important to us because we used a lot of our personal experiences to write the lyrics,” the one named Mingyu added.

 

“Personally, my lyrics for the title track ‘If I’ mirror the feelings I wanted to convey to someone who was special to me and I hope that person will be able to hear my songs one day,” Seungcheol explained. His name appeared as “S.Coups.”

 

“Speaking of special people,” the host continued, “I think a lot of the female fans would be interested to know your guys’ ideal types. Can you share?”

 

“Hmm, my ideal type is someone who likes to rely on me but also knows how to be independent,” Seungcheol mentioned first.

 

Jihoon scoffed at his answer.

 

“Of course my ideal type is all of my fans,” Mingyu said as he made a finger heart toward the camera. The others jeered at his cheesy answer.

 

“I don’t really have an ideal type,” Vernon chirped. “I think I would like anyone, even if they weren’t my fan.”

 

“I like a gentle person who likes to read,” Wonwoo answered last.

 

The host decided to ask another question. “So there are only four of you in this group. A lot of people are curious about what your group name Seventeen means.”

 

Vernon spoke up first. “It’s a number that has a special meaning for all of us. In my case, that was my age when I debuted.”

 

“The seventeenth of July is my birthday,” Wonwoo added.

 

“Even if it may sound like a lie, seventeen has always been my favorite number,” Mingyu stated cheerfully.

 

“For me, the seventeenth was the day that I decided to give up everything to pursue my dream,” Seungcheol said, his lips stretched into a smile but a hint of sadness glistened in his eyes.

 

Having heard enough, Jihoon took the remote from Seokmin’s side and turned the TV off. Seokmin looked at him in surprise.

 

“What, you’re done watching? But your friend was on national television!”

 

“He’s not my friend.” 

 

“A...ah…?”

 

Seokmin made a face as if he wanted to ask more about it, but decided to drop the subject. The awkward silence between them was cut short by a thud followed by a low groan coming from the bedroom.  Seokmin jumped to his feet and hurried over to the source of the sound while Jihoon ignored it and continue to eat his soup. 

 

“You know, you can be really cruel at times, Jihoon, “ Soonyoung grumbled as he walked toward the kitchen, running one hand through his hair. “After everything I did for you last night, you don't even check up on me to see if I'm okay. I even paid for your drinks, you know…”

 

“Sorry, my hangover is making it really hard for me to care about someone else right now,” Jihoon stated in an  unapologetic tone. “Besides, I don't even remember what happened last night.”

 

Soonyoung gasped in exaggerated shock. “You don't remember what I did for you?”

 

“No, and I prefer not to.”

 

Soonyoung started to argue back, but upon remembering his friend’s condition the night before, thought against it.

 

“Forget it.  Yeah, it's better to forget what happened. I'll even let you forget about all the shots I paid for you,” Soonyoung reluctantly said as he helped himself to a bowl of soup. As he sat down at the table,  Jihoon stood up and walked over to place his dishes in the sink. The dishes clattered harshly when he added them to the growing tower of dishes. The pile tumbled and a glass cup consequently shattered. 

 

“Jihoon-ssi! Are you okay? Did you get hurt? Let me clean up the broken glass, hold on.” Seokmin hurried to the sink to clean up the mess. 

 

“Don't worry about it. Jihoon is a perfectly capable adult who can take care of himself,” Soonyoung said to Seokmin as he continued eating, unphased by the occurrence. 

 

“Ah, right,” Seokmin chuckled softly as he realized how ridiculous it must have looked for him to react so seriously. 

 

“I’m fine. I’ll take care of it,” Jihoon said. “Thanks for taking care of us, Seokmin.” He hurriedly picked out the glass shards in the sink and threw the pieces in the trash. “You two are welcome to stay for a little bit but I hope you don’t stay too long. I’m gonna head out for a little bit. Make sure you lock the door when you leave.”

 

“Jihoon-ssi? Are you okay?” Seokmin asked cautiously.

 

“I just need some time to myself,” Jihoon responded coldly, heading toward the door.

 

He slipped his shoes on and left the apartment, leaving his two guests in silence.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's a little short but I figured it was better than not posting for longer. I think there will probably be one or 2 more chapters after this one~

**Author's Note:**

> This is a pretty slow paced fic (like every other fic of mine). I tend to enjoy reading/writing more serious toned fics (that's a total lie; I write like this bc I have no sense of humor). But anyways, I hope you enjoy this fic. I have three more chapters finished so at least I have a good amount of content before I give up and put this on hiatus. I'm thinking this fic will have maybe like 5 or 6 chapters total but we shall see how things unfold. After all, not even the author really know how a story will progress (in my experience, at least).
> 
> Also thank you to NeonNitrogen for beta-ing the first few chapters~
> 
> Also hey pls talk to me on twitter @woozingeo and scream about svt with me


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